First Lady Hillary Clinton has been traveling the globe improving America's tarnished image after 12 years of Reagan and Bush. For those who missed the extensive television reporting of Hillary's mission we list the . . .

Top Ten Ways to Tell Hillary Clinton is out of the country

by Sally Dolon 

10. Noticeable increase in women's consciousness all over the globe.

9. Cattle futures trading volumes decline significantly.

8. Clinton cabinet becomes disoriented and drifts toward the right.

7. Health care reform bogs down. (ok, so maybe there's only 9 ways to tell.)

6. Planned Parenthood burns candles in abortion clinic windows until Hillary's safe return.

5. Selected young women on White House tours win honorary guest passes to spend the night.

4. Rush Limbaugh cuts back programming due to lack of material.

3. National Organization for Women slips up and invites Paula Jones to speak at a conference on sexual harrassment.

2. New Jersey Governor Christine Todd Whitman becomes new symbol of a strong American woman. (except for Eleanor Clift)

and the number one way to tell Hillary is out of town:

1. Bill thanks Newt for being sympathetic.