Earth Day has left a spiritual mission across America. Given the abundance of caring aside the confusion of goals, where should we go for direction? To the White House, of course! We selected the best ideas from all the letters sent by Public School children. Now As a service to the Earth and all her species-beings we organize the following . . .

Top Ten Ways You Can Help Save the Planet Earth

By Sally Dolon

10. Flood a shopping mall. Then get EPA to declare it protected wetlands.

9. Become an ACLU lawyer.

8. Move to the backwoods and live off nuts and berries.

7. Support your local United Nations chapter.

6. Quit teaching math and physics above a 6th grade level.

5. Recycle your condoms.

4. Remember Earth Day and celebrate it wholly that your Mother Planet will bless you eternally.

3. Help raise taxes.

(We don't know why it works, but Sierra Club endorses it.) 

2. Become a werewolf and increase the endangered species population once every full moon.

and the number one way you can save Mother Earth . . . 

1. Kill yourself-- and dispose of your body in a biodegradable fashion.